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Sunday, August 11, 2013

Flight Path

Now, the click of keys in a quiet room
and my easy, rhythmic breath. Outside,

long legato sounds, night insects, a
soft symphony, or some electrical hum,

this blanket of low noise comforts more than
claustrophobic silence—sound giving depth and

shape to what is beyond my walls and open windows.
Low hum of traffic on New Scotland every now and again.

Now a night flight bisects the sky, a gathering whine and
whoosh from the south, a pilot scanning instruments,

grids and lines glowing green, numbers and
lights marking a path. Through small ovals, someone

is seeing the bright plaza, the capitol, the hospital,
little cones of amber street light, the order and sense

of streets clear when viewed from above,
a city running smoothly, growing larger as altitude drops,

this plane from anywhere—and I'm that passenger as well,
looking down on the light in front of my house.

Gear down now and that turbulence, the glissando pitch
of the turbines, slight adjustments for wind speed,

the green runway lights winking into view, this overhead path
crossing my own, moments shared somehow.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Look

Observation will
change the one observed—as her
raised eyebrow confirms.

The Body Remembers

Sure, the head says, it's okay.
The heart doesn't have that vocabulary,

or even the means to hear it,
buried as it is, wrapped in strings of nerves,

a remote outpost getting clicks through telegraph wires.
These words, this is all head-space, not

chest, gut or pelvic axes. The heart goes
on that deepest muscle memory.

The body remembers--a history of
however many years, like words

in journals put away in boxes,
visited every now and again.

Buried deep, these seismic heart-quakes
rise, diffuse under the skin, through

muscle and sinew, tendons, along
nerve lines, a ripple, bump or murmur

coming out in the face's quick wince,
an instant on the skin, then gone, out

into the night air and back in as well,
a charge, a burst, an electric flicker

of alternating current, back to
the source after a brief flash.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Fear and Motion

I launch my bicycle over piles of rocks
when chasing a competitor,
crouch into corners at car-like speeds,
but my heart rides in the equivalent
of a tank, or at least a pope-mobile.
Safe. Isolated. Cut off from so much.
I know about pain, hurt, injury, wear and recovery.
The physics of muscles, the ripping and tearing,
the inflammation that leads to growth and more strength.
I throw myself into it, and reap the results of calm mind,
tingly body, a soreness I say means I'm alive.
But what of my heart? Reduced to a high-performance
component in my drive train, constant orders from
upstairs pushing out those old hurts, systolic
and diastolic movement, a whooshing drowning out
any little whispers of some sort of emotional center.
Fear and motion, those familiar safeguards.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

No Rest

stillness is an illusion
for example 
that pose we hold
twenty of us in a room
doubled in the wall mirror
leaning forward
hands and feet reaching
in opposite directions--
looking like a still-life
to someone looking in
but really
the burning in my gut
arms and legs
tells me that there's
much going on
to maintain this apparent
static state--
micro-movements of
muscles clenching here
releasing there in
a rhythm independent
of my thoughts
and my breath
and my mind--
whose fidgeting quiets
but does not stop
telling me again of
the illusion of stillness
and how things at
rest are never truly
at rest

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Out of Reach

Bubble wrapped mind, safe but cut off,
this feeling, like I'm embracing
somebody while wearing thick gloves,
like overprotected sex,
this head full of static,
strange motion-stillness,
too many voices, an ocean of them,
indistinct and fleeting, a wave's
roar when I want the articulate,
modulated drops--
there's something between where
my mind is and where
I want it to be--
searching for the bottom
of a murky river--
I'm kept out of the water
by someone or something,
away from the free-swimming ideas--
things just out of reach, like whatever
it was that you returned to the room
to get--
it's like that, even now, with these words
pulled out like slivers, slowly, offering
some relief, but ending there,
an absence, a negative space.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Carpenter's Questions

The house settles, man levels--
That quixotic quest to
make the little bubble sit
between the lines, to
get whatever's in my hands
to play nice with gravity.
It looks level—is it?
Everything settles--
Can I?

Sunday, August 4, 2013

What Is Hidden

If you think about it
it's the things that happen
out of sight, hidden away
that cause the most damage,
feeding on something so
silently—

The tree rotted from the
inside out, silently, while
its crown swayed with
the song of the wind
through so many idyllic days
while we enjoyed its shade.

What else is going on
inside us, hidden away
in our bones, flesh,
hearts and souls?

Hold it off, keep those
opportunists at bay—
hard feelings and anger's
temperings and tightenings,
little closures, passages shut down.

What is hidden can be 
open and free, as
wide as a secret stream
wild and dark underground.
Ask to be full of life, root to crown,
as limber as young trees,
and a spirit and soul clear as
crystalline ice on an alpine peak.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

The Silver Maple

The silver maple out back, in the neighbors' yard, is coming down. Its limbs hollowed out by water and squirrels, it's too weak to stand, and a strong storm's hand on its filigreed leaves may be too much. The tree is benevolent and welcoming on this mild summer day. A hurricane or its remnants could put us, snug in our wood frame houses, at serious risk.

No tree falling in the forest, this, but a noisy, mechanized affair, as men scale up and rappel down from its leafy crown, taking apart piece by piece over seventy years of nature's quiet, steady work. This tree was a sapling when neighbor Frank—patron of the block--was born. He grew up with that tree. To grow up: humans doing as trees do. The tree's life is ending, his is continuing, into his own late autumn, in the new sun on the house's light green siding this afternoon.

This tree defines our yards: the way the Caseys' deck curves around it, the shade it has provided, filtered sun flicking even now on my page, a harp for the breeze in this quiet afternoon, a rustle, a soft sound like the feel of grass, ambient, a sound placing you in a comfortable, safe spot. Shade plants have done well in our yards, but that will change.

“If you take the time, you can count the rings,” Frank says to someone, inside, while holding a substantial log. “That's the rot, starting.” Inside, unseen. Isn't that like most things—cancer, clots, a hardening of the heart, a desiccated spirit, cut off by some small cellular-level insurrection?

How can I not think about birth, life, death, the inevitable transformation of our very matter into energy, into something else? It's all here, in a tree's scale and calendar.

I ask the tree man if they'll put aside some logs for me, for my first fall and winter with a fireplace. He offers to cut it to fit. I go inside and quickly measure the opening in my fireplace, and return with the number, twenty-four inches. Frank's wife hovers in her doorway, hearing this exchange. I worry that my inquiry seems disrespectful, but firewood surely is a better outcome than being fed into a chipper and flung into the back of a truck. I'll remember the silver maple on a cold, dark day, maybe near the solstice, when a spark catches and a fire blazes, throwing light and heat into the living room. We should all hope for such alchemy, us, humans, born of stars, energy and matter, and back again, in cycles we will always remain ignorant of, clocks moving at different tempos.

The smoke will rise, the scent of home and hearth, the fire will burn, the ashes will be heaped behind the garage, maybe mixed back into the yard's soil, for whatever grows from this ground in the future. Another neighbor and I talk about where to place our Japanese maple saplings, young trees with spindly, bendy trunks and awkward branches. They will be somebody's shade, someday.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Quiet

When my body grows quiet
and the chatter in my mind subsides,
talked out, like a storm's angry wind
losing its concentration and dispersing
to the corners of the sky--

Friction, that's how we get through life,
whether it's the ground underfoot, the hum of the wheels
or the wind's song in the ears,
gravity's pull on us all, flesh and bone aging
while somewhere the soul is polished,
brought to brightness from this force,
if we're lucky, maybe enough
to reflect, gleaming, burnished, polished,
ground down until shapes emerge, these
prisoners in a crucible we carry all the time.

When the mind quiets and the body speaks,
stories of forbearance, the foundation of this self,
the pilings below the pier, the house's foundation,
stresses of shifting earth, the settling that slows
but never ends, moving the level a fraction off plumb--
Is there ever any true stillness?

This restless flesh, this twitching thing, seen only now
by this quiet, still soul.



Thursday, August 1, 2013

...at the edges of things...

Shapes, words, feelings
coming to me at the edges of things,
faint transmissions growing
stronger like the breath that says
ah-hah, little discoveries
in a quiet space, eyes closed
as colors filter through,
iridescence moving in from the
upper right of my consciousness,
tuning the body, cords of muscles
and sinew and fascia and tendon
stretched and loosened sympathetically
as if I'm an instrument ready to be plucked
or touched, the energy around me the player.
The edges of things, little horizons,
distant peaks that emerge in relief
as my mind quiets behind eyes closed,
trusting, as my body adjusts, this balance,
this vision without sight...

It's haiku time again in creative writing class

Coffee is bitter fuel that brings a sweetness, lifting my spirits. Empty hanging file folders, holding only the hope of less clut...