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Monday, July 2, 2012

Fire's Promise


Let me light the lamp of you
your mercurial fuel--
it's me, it's what I do
bring me near and you'll
see and feel--
a shadowless flame
shimmers the bending light
makes wrinkles in time
wicks dip deeply in ancient oil--
endless reserves are there
once one finds it--
sweet pain of flame, the
tingle before the burn,
take me there again and again.
We blaze for a time, light and heat--
settling in to a steady flame
like hands pressed in prayer--
pointing up, not out--
heavenward, a halo of light,
a star in someone else's sky.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Dusk, Late June


Words in speeches echo, get
carried off in impatient air--
dozens of different scripts quietly
running, writing under square caps--
blue and white gowns over colors of souls,
tiger lilies for her, confetti and platitudes,
and the names called hang briefly and
they amble, saunter, swagger, sidle
across the ordinary grass as if it were
a high-wire or runway or pit of coals
as the ice-cream truck's song fades in and out
like childhood itself carried on the air
and the sun sinks slowly and fate smiles today
as dark clouds roll south and thin wispy
fingers overhead reach eastward, stretching
the sky as the sun is pulled down and away
beyond the plains and the purple rays
reach over hundreds of watts of smiles
on the darkening field and some are
lit within, radiating outward before
breaking rank, absorbed by the crowd--
little halos of light grab moments of time
to be seen again as they grow
into what some already know
and fill out shapes and outlines made today
on the island of grass inside the track
and the restless sky is pulling, moving overhead,
urging us all on into a sweet firefly night
as headlights find ways out and home
to never precisely return again.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Dropped

a tight group of
eight riders flying
down a dirt road
tires thumb-wide
heart pounding in
the head and arms bent
and wheels furrow the dry dirt
mid-pack riders inches apart
bike dancing beneath me
like skiing powder
feeling good and the
bike pulls left and
I follow the wheel
hundreds of tiny hands
grab the skinny tire
scrub off the speed and
a gap opens and riders
in front pull away
roll away like nothing
but it’s something and
I wheeze and stand on
the pedals alone in the wind
and there goes seven places
and I ride on inside myself and
riders ahead are miniature
figures and 17 miles to go and
I ride on to the
finish or oblivion
whichever comes
first.

Monday, May 14, 2012

202 South


Green lights ahead--
emeralds on a strand of
dotted white lines.

In the distance, hills lie
like sleeping women

as Orion reclines,
a hunter at ease,
in the May sky.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Spotted


Love was spotted
naked-eye visible
to any and all
at fifty yards
some time ago
for a while
since then
my armor
has strengthened
against arrows
of all sorts
and my senses
have sharpened
for dangers
not of pursuit
or capture
but the inevitable
release
of an animal
habituated
comforted
grown soft, even
then sprung
lean
wild
and
hungry

Monday, April 16, 2012

Invocation

Dear pen, give me what I want:
an ocean of green ink pouring out
precisely, a backward river flowing
from ocean to essence, small beginnings
deep in silent earth.

Dear mountain, give me what I want:
your willful intent to slow us and
show us, to lift us from our
flat perspective, to see
relief in the land.

Dear rain, give me what I want:
drops of the infinite and eternal,
which have fallen and risen
over and over again,
no worse for wear.

Dear night, give me what I want:
a chance to sharpen other senses,
quick fox sniff and feral cat ear twitch,
the will to find my path
without looking.

Dear stars, give me what I want:
the ability to see that a line in the sky
becomes a circle seen somewhere else,
even as your old light reaches
my searching eyes.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Healing Dark

Sunblinded, sideways stumbling
my internal balance gone
others at ease--I’m fumbling
on a harsh green steamy lawn
too much exposure noise and light
what I want--need--is to withdraw
summer freedom not sitting right
I burn fast, my nerves gone raw
so I turn in to the healing dark
one sense denied, the others awake
a deep rhythm, a singer hits the mark
the cool air’s touch I take
this darkness on the brightest day
for a time to carry me away

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Haiku

Fallow time now--seeds
of words below the soil wait
for nature's next cue.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Period 11

Her head on the desk,
energy drink by her side--
irony's portrait.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Evening Song

The storm has passed, and
now, above quiet, damp streets,
trees dance, intact limbs waving,
as the air animates them--
a fresh, rising wind, strong
but kind, a messenger from
somewhere else, speaking
through branches and leaves
like breath through a reed.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Race Report: Capital Region Road Race, August 20, 2011

Disclaimer and spoiler: This report will NOT end with me recounting my epic victory salute as I crossed the line ahead of everyone else in my field. Any suspense that you sense in the coming paragraphs will lead to a denouement of a different sort. I'm a dilettante on a bike, a competent racer with decent fitness and varying motivation, still looking to learn by pinning on a number and joining the pack.

I belong to the Capital Bicycle Racing Club, and this is our race. Well, Paul McDonnell, planner extraordinaire, puts it together, and many club members help out with the details: marking the course, sweeping the turns, marshaling, driving pace, and so on. It's a tough course: a twenty-mile loop with two short but steep climbs, with 1300 feet of elevation gain per loop, maxing out at 16 percent.

It's customary for cyclists to self-deprecate about most things, like how much they've been riding (not much), why they are here (it's just training for me) to how well they may do (fair to average). I adopted this posture with a friend, who sarcastically replied, “You're all winners!” She and I know that's not true. There's no running onto the field after the last point for a group hug or pile-on involving all the players. This is a linear sport: a clear beginning and end point, and a time for each rider. For some reason, other endurance sports—running and triathlon—seem to focus more on the act of completing the race. But remember that numbers don't tell the whole story. Racing makes me a better rider... maybe even a better person. Like many things, it tests limits—in our case, strength, endurance and pain tolerance. Even the most competitive rides with friends, up and down the Rensselaer plateau, don't take me to the limits like races do. There's always something surprising, something new.

I've been racing for about five years, and riding anywhere from two to three thousand miles per year—not counting mountain-bike and cyclocross rides. These numbers are not unusual, or even particularly impressive to the crowd gathered in the high-school parking lot last Saturday morning. I'm still a category five rider. Still, technically, a beginner. For this race, I decided to register for the combined cat four/cat five field, a group of more experienced riders. I allowed for the possibility of getting shelled out the back pretty quickly, or just maybe hanging onto the wheels in front of me for a bit. Like a friend says, a racer has to think, “Yeah, I can beat him,” even if it's not likely. The trick is to come back for more even when you've been proven wrong.

The parking lot was full of lean and hungry racers, and enough carbon fiber to build a squadron of stealth fighters. My bike looked a bit welfare among the exotic names, deep-dish rims and high-end components on many machines. No worries, though. Run what you brought.

The field assembled, 75 strong—bigger than the fifty in the cat five. We had a neutral roll-out of three miles, and I once again started too far back. On the plus side, it is a beautiful sight to see dozens of bikes filling the road ahead. I watched a rider from our club seamlessly, almost politely, thread his way up. We ambled along, with a sound like crickets as our chains stopped and our gear cassettes clicked. We were packed in tightly and ready to race, but everyone kept it under control.

The pace car pulled away and the speed increased. I found a good spot in the peloton, near a couple of other CBRC riders. We gingerly negotiated the sharp turns that I'd swept the night before, with that mix of anticipation and dread that always comes. I felt the familiar incline of Tracy Road, the first climb of the lap. The pack shook loose, as riders sat, stood, weaved and gasped at different rates. I pushed to a point just short of wanting to throw up, then notched it back a tiny bit. I kept my head in check, too—it's easy to mentally crack, then physically deflate when riders open gaps on a climb, but I've done this enough to know that I need to ride within myself at these times, do it at my pace, come what may.

A brief reprieve on a downhill, and the chase to close gaps was on. I tucked in behind another rider for a bit, then pulled around to pull. I got in front of him, but he must have sped up, as I felt a very subtle shift in my bike when my rear wheel rubbed his front wheel. I truly thought I was clear. This is a common cause of crashes, but he kept it upright. I hollered a quick apology, and—even more surprising than him not crashing—he said no, it's cool. Whew.

We scrubbed off about 30 mph, then took the hairpin past EMTs and marshals to the wall of Whitbeck Road, the steepest, nastiest quarter mile in Albany County, and we went through our contorted motions again to the top.

Regrouping on the back side of the course, our group increased in size and speed. I actually spun out my 50 x 11 gear as a big rider, unsatisfied with our 20-something pace, went to the front and pulled us at around 33 mph. I wasn't the only one happy about that, I'm sure. Go ahead, buddy. It'll be see ya later when the road tilts up again.

The second lap whittled our group down to seven. None of us knew where we were overall—riders ahead and behind, hopefully more of the latter. I kept a cool head up the climbs again, and we regrouped, all a bit more ragged. Good riders, all—this 4/5 field definitely felt less twitchy than others have.

As we got down to the last few clicks, I decided to sit in until things started happening. Sure enough, the last few little rises caused a few of us to drop off. I just maintained my pace, with a bit of a kick at the end, coming in third out of our group of seven.

The results? 48th out of 75. See results for everyone here. I covered 43 miles in two hours, nine minutes and forty-six seconds. But, like I said, the numbers don't tell the whole story. This was the most raciest race I've been in, as I stayed with others the whole way, rather than getting caught between groups in that weird never-land—a solitary rider, number rattling in the breeze along a quiet road. I hung with experienced, strong riders who knew how to work together. I pushed myself mentally and physically, and I'll bring more to the line next time.

Later, I helped clean up in the feed zone, while two women patiently waited for their significant others to finish. It looked to me like the beverage of choice along that particular stretch of country road was Miller Lite. Funny, I don't remember seeing anyone handing them up during the race...

There were large orange DOT signs along the course: “Bike Race. Be prepared to stop,” intended, of course, for motorists. But it applies to us, too. Our field was strong, and pretty cohesive. No one was slacking. I'm sure, though, that all of us know people who have stopped—stopped racing, stopped riding—for a variety of reasons, from injury, illness, simple burnout, frustration, or countless others. It could be any of us tomorrow. But here, on this day, we're part of it. We're in it. The moment, when it's possible that you might beat that rider, you might close that gap, you might be the strongest in the bunch, or maybe just set a personal record. Finishing upright and intact is always good, too.


It's haiku time again in creative writing class

Coffee is bitter fuel that brings a sweetness, lifting my spirits. Empty hanging file folders, holding only the hope of less clut...